The Dong Wars were an long debate between HerbertMcGee and a moderator about Donkey Kong's genitalia.

The Topic That Started It All Edit

On June 1, HerbertMcGee started a thread with "I want to suck on Donkey Kong's absolutely mive, bulging, pulsating yellow" as the title. The text in the thread revealed that he wanted to suck on DK's banana hoard. Sure enough, this topic was quickly modded, with moderators stating that it was offensive. Herbert later tried to tell the mod that it revolved around an in-joke relating to Donkey Kong's palm trees. Also, the mod's name was Allen. So there's that.

The Argument Edit

HerbertMcGee: My post did not:

-Link to a video or picture containing nudity or gore.
-State hateful remarks
-Discuss ual matters
-Use the terms "gay", "ed", or "rape" at all.

It was just a crappy joke, how is it offensive?

Moderator: The topic title absolutely insinuates ual matters. Anyone who reads the topic title will know exactly what you're trying to suggest, especially with the crude adjectives. Crappy jokes are fine, but please refrain from framing your joke around DK's genitalia.

HerbertMcGee: Who said I was talking about Donkey Kong's donkey shlong? In fact, I was talking about sucking his palm trees, which would be pretty stupid, because it would probably hurt to suck on a palm tree. I can't blame you for thinking I was a far better joke in hindsight, but I'm sure that people on this board wouldn't think about that. They'd think about wanting to suck Ridley's.

Moderator: Not buying it.

Do not make topics for the sole reason of posting an offensive ual innuendo. Thanks.

HerbertMcGee: The whole "Donkey Kong's mive tasty palm trees" is an in-joke among a few of us users, like Chrob or how Kirby has ice breath. Besides, Donkey Kong doesn't have a yellow dong. He doesn't even have a dong. And I'm pretty sure that, if he did, it wouldn't be YELLOW. The joke was that that would point people towards palm trees, because they tend to have yellow trunks. And I'm pretty sure nobody has a pulsating . I mean, really. Lewd. Anyway, I hope you understand and retract my penalty for posting such a seemingly crude joke.

Moderator (eight days later): You realize that just because something as an "in-joke" doesn't make it adhere to the Terms of Use, right? If you were to post something like that and it was reported to the moderation staff, it would be deleted.

Then, the admins withheld the ordeal. Herbert later found out that, due to defending himself, he was unable to dispute with admins for three months. As a result, he had to put up with a lot (and I mean A LOT) of bull from power-hungry mods, like getting a topic about Captain Falcon's return modded (for being off-topic) and losing karma for saying that Snape kills Dumbledore. And losing karma for being upset about that.

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